In the down hill of week 1

So here I am it is already Thursday of week one.  The beginning of the week was not so great but the end is getting better.

Tuesday was a rough day.  I was still feeling lost and confused about what I needed to be doing and trying to figure out.  Not much was done that day, I did manage to take myself over to watch Pretty Little Liars with my sister.  She is in love with that show and Tuesday was the airing of the new season.  I am not such a fan of it but I couldn't find a reason to stay home.  It turned out to be a depressing day.  My mom was not in such a good mood and I was starting to feel guilty that she had to work and do a bunch of stuff while I got to stay home.  When I go home I cried a little and did not sleep very well.

Wednesday was a good day.  My hubby was doing our home improvement for the month and I helped out some.  A post to come on the home improvement.  I also started getting items ready for the garage sale Friday.  I love that the night ended with my honey and I painting our front porch drinking Rolling Rocks. Oh what a fabulous Wednesday night.

Thursday is just getting started but I have a lot planned.  I will finish my garage sale things, I am thinking of going into the shop to see if my mom needs some help, need to go grocery shopping sometime soon, and lot's lot's more :)

The start

The first day of self-employment was very strange.  It felt as if I should not be here.  It did not make since, I had wanted this for so long that I forgot what it felt like.  I kept walking around aimlessly.  Having one goal in my mind and not being able to reach it.  Was it destined to feel like this?  Would it go away over time?  I could tell I was not going to have that job well done feeling at the end of the day where I knew I had done something of importance.  I feel as if not much had been done.  It felt too soon to do much for the yard sale that was to happen this weekend.  I didn't know what else to do.  I did manage to get my eBay packages sent off ending up with $11 from the sale.  So not a negative day but not as much as I would make on a regular day.  Also ended up with a headache and a warm house.  Did not turn the air on in the 90 degree weather, pretty impressed with myself.  Cheers to the start of something great!!

Sandcastles and Pyramids?

It is 10:58 pm on May 31st.  I have been laying in bed wide eye for the past 45 minutes.  Thoughts zooming though my head and just needing to write.  Today.  Where to begin? What to say?  I am not even sure.   The best way that I can describe it is as if an atom bomb went off in my life.  I have had about every emotion known to man go thought my body and mind today.  Thinking about all that has happened makes me tired but I can not sleep. 
The root of all of this mess is Divorce.  I have capitalized it because it has and still is causing so much pain and hurt to the innocent bystanders, myself included.  I finally am standing up to the uncle and aunt and no longer letting them drag me along with them.  They have no right to do so, this is my life and if they are miserable then let them be miserable.  At this point I really wish bad things upon them but I have prayed to God that He helps me through this and they get what they deserve.  I know that if I give into their madness, I will go crazy just like them.  Divorce is really a terrible thing, especially when one person wants to be in control and cannot let go of the other person.  I have watched it take over my aunts life, my uncles life, and it is trying to take control of the people they see everyday, my dear parents and myself.  Which transfers into my life affecting my husband and it might have creep even more, but I am stopping it. I am no longer going to associate myself with my uncle or aunt.  Which my parent and they own the business that I work at.  In turn tomorrow will be my last working day at the shop.  The place I have worked for 5 years on the payroll, the place I used to take naps under my mom's desk when my dad and her first opened it up, and the place I grew so accused to.  It has turned into a prison the day the aunt decided to turn into an outright bitch.  She has taken it too far now and is trying to be controlling.  Well she will not be able to control my life any longer.
I am taking an extended leave of absence.  My husband just quit his job the start of last month and is not currently making as much as he has before.  We will not be having a steady income as of June 1st.  Most would be terrified of this idea.  I am not.  I have faith that it will work out and I am not afraid.  My husband and I will make it and will come out stronger in the long run.  I do not have a plan, I do not have fear, I do not have doubts.  I do have ideas, I do have my loving, supportive husband, I do have sadness for my dad and mom that are stuck in that mess,  I do have faith in God, and I do have willpower. 
I realized in the mist of this that I am an adult (even at times I may not feel as if)  I have the say in what I put myself through.  This is a building block, a stepping stone if you must, of my future.

It as if my sandcastle building has turned into a pyramid building.

 Did you that the pyramid blocks weighed tons of pounds?  It is absolutely amazing that they would transport those huge blocks to building a triangle in the middle of a desert, by moving the blocks with wood.  Taking a round pieces of wood and placing them under the block and pushing it and taking the wood from the back placing in the front.  Oh my word that is much harder than taking a bucket and scooping sand up. 

I hope I have not scared you away.  I hope that you stick around to hear about my journey as it unfolds.  I am not even sure of what will unfold.