I know I have not been posting for quite, I am been using my time on other projects that I have. This post I am about to write is going to be somewhat graphic and a little heavy hearted. If you cannot stomach it or read through please stop, I am doing this because I have had a part of my heart ripped out and I am in pain. I am tearing up just trying to find the words to write, I write when I have strong emotions. Thank you for reading.
Saturday May 5, 2012 was like any other day, beautiful hot humid day. After our somewhat quick trip to a town an hour and a half away, we were having fun swimming and playing with the dogs. When we finished with dinner we gathered around the fire pit to enjoy the beautiful night and the 'super moon' rise above the tree tops. Waiting for it to be shown we noticed a tree frog swimming around in the pool, Zeus saw it also and he could not stand it. He jumped in to catch it and I not wanting him to hurt the frog was calling for him to get out, as Bobby was urging him to get it. He did not catch it and swam out of the pool. Back we went by the fire pit, I was catching the moon between bits of clouds, Mom and Dad were on the love bench calling to the dogs every so often to come back over and not wonder into the newly emptied lot, Bobby was making everyone laugh by his silly use of words. It was just shortly after 9:30 that night when time slowed down and I am still recovering from the shock of the night.
We all stopped what we were doing when we heard the passing car sound like it had it another vehicle. I looked out behind the trees at the vehicle as in my eyes was slowly passing. We all wondered what it hit and why it was not stopping or slowing down. I watched as the car exited my view and it appeared to be a blue caviler, which I may not have seen quite as I was thinking. My dad asked into the darkness, "What did the car hit?" seconds later, "I hope it wasn't Zeus" about that time we heard a cry. I thought for a split second as a thousand thoughts flew through my head all jumbled up. I darted as fast as I could to the garage, I heard my dad ask where his flash light was and hurried to the road, I hit the door opener jumped into the smart car put it into reverse after accidentally pulling the shift to far back into drive. My head was fogged, my body was shacking, and my heart was beating faster. I turned the brights on and the additional fog lights, I arrived to the street and looked the road over not seeing anything, wondering if my eyes were to clouded to see and what to do next. I looked back and saw my dad and Bobby looking, rolling my window down to see what to do, my dad was in the ditch, and my heart dropped, I shown the lights to where they were, and asked if he was there, more to the silence than the facts. My dad lifted him out of the grass, pulled him close, support his head, and began walking to the house. I heard myself screaming "No." Driving along side of them, I wanted to know what we should do, I could not think and hurried home. My mom was starting to back out of the garage, as I pulled up she got out, either if she asked or the look on her face I responded by it was him. Looking down the road I could not see them coming back, Maria came from the side of the house by the Japanese Garden, and asked what was the matter. I said Zeus, Zeus got hit by a car. My dad and Bobby arrived and took him into the living room. I was a mess walking around in a daze and crying out. This seemed unreal as if in a dream more like a living nightmare. My dad said again that he needed some towels as he was supported Zeus' bleeding head. My mom got some towels from the wash room and gave them to my dad. I asked if there was something we could do, a vet to call, someone, anyone. I went over to Zeus I knew he needed comfort. I repeated over to him that I loved him, and he was strong he could make it. The other two dogs came running over. Bobby stopped Cerus and took him and DeeDee upstairs in the kennel. Coming down him and my mom were looking through the phone book for a number to call. I keep talking to Zeus. Maria was there petting him and crying. The next few moments, whether minutes or seconds was a blur. I kept looking into Zeus' eyes and telling him how much I loved him. I was watching his every breath and it was getting slower and slower. My dad got up and said he did not have much longer and my mom came over and started petting Zeus. Bobby was near and I got up and asked if there was someone to call. He has his phone and started talking. I laid back by Zeus and was telling him how much I loved him. He was struggling and was trying to catch his breath. Bobby said if you could get his tongue out he....I watched as he took a breath and his eyes rolled back and there was no more. My mom called for him and he moved his head to look one last time and the breath's were gone. I cried and told him I loved him. My dad checked his pulse and shut his eyes and my heart was so heavy. We laid there for who knows how long, I kept waiting for him to start breathing again. I petted him and was to much in shock for much else. Sometime later my dad brought a chest in that we were to put him into. It was all so surreal and so sudden. My little baby was gone forever. I felt sick that night, keep going to the bathroom but nothing would come up. I was looking for comfort that did not come. I was scared and hurt. We finally went home about midnight and I was so exhausted that I could not go to sleep. I could not lay there in the dark, my mind kept replaying those short few minutes. That sound, him crying, me running, seeing my dad carrying him home, laying there telling him I love him over and over. That was stuck in my head and it was paining me. I went to the living room and watched I Dream of Jeannie. Cerus came in with me and I cuddled with him on the couch for a few hours, until I decided to try to go to bed again. That only lasted a few minutes before I was back on the couch. Just wanting some noise to block out my thoughts.
Morning came in such a fog. I check my camera to see if I had a picture of Zeus jumping in the pool for the frog. I must have deleted the one I was thinking of, making a mental note to myself to stick to my rule of not deleting pictures until they are on my computer. I did not want coffee or breakfast. Waiting for a text from my family to come over, I cleaned my bathroom and was dressed. We went over to my parents about 11 and I cried when I got there. It was not the same, there was a stillness in the air. When my mom saw me she started to cry and I cried as well. My dad was on the bobcat getting Zeus' grave ready. My sister was getting dressed and we cried when we saw each other. She had written a lovely, sad poem for Zeus. I wondered off into the garage and came to Zeus in the chest. I was overwhelmed with sadness and just sat there crying for a few moments. We sat on the back porch for awhile and Bobby got Cerus jumping in the pool. It broke my heart to not have Zeus there jumping into the pool after the frisbee or ball. He would swim so fast to not have Cerus get it. I'm so glad he taught Cerus how to swim. My grandma came over. Around 12:45 we had Zeus' funeral, Maria and I put our notes in the chest with Zeus. I cried so much seeing him in there. Bobby and my dad placed the chest in the spot, and my dad buried him. I could see my dad sadden as he drove the bobcat to get dirt and the final resting stone. I just stood there as the sun beat down on me, watching as my dad raked mulch around the newly placed dirt.
The rest of the day was spent slowly. Looking at pictures of Zeus, swimming, napping in the hammock, and finally eating a hot dog. We got home around seven or eight and watched a funny movie. From what I can remember before I fell asleep. The night was spend with bad dreams and not very restful.
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