1.03.2012

Fears

So when I was younger I used to love flying.  I longed for the days when I would sit in the plane to take off.  Well that changed 5 months ago when I flew to Vegas.  I was just as excited as when I was younger, it was my birthday and I was going on my first far away vacation with my husband.  We got to the airport and waited for the flight we realized the airline was a seat by first come basis, which was a major bummer.  When we got our seats and was off.  I got this feeling that there was going to turbulence and the longest flight ever.  It might have been the airline, or the plane we had, or the fact that we could not pick our seats, whatever it was it gave me a bad feeling.  During our vacation I had thoughts of going home, dreading the flight.  I had a margarita before our departing flight thinking that might calm me down.  That made it worse, I felt sick, I wasn't near my honey, stupid Southwest Airlines!!  Multiple times I kept envisioning the plane falling out of the sky, making each little bump into a huge ordeal in my head, waiting for the next bump thinking it was going to be bigger.  Then it came the huge bump, everyone felt it, everyone was out of their seat for a moment.  My heart dropped and I could not contain myself.  I have never had a panic attack but I think I had at least 10 during that flight.  I thought to myself this was my last day alive.  I have never felt more scared in my life and there was nothing I could do.  I had no control of any of it.  Now I am terrified to fly.
Just a couple days ago my husband told me to think about going to Hawaii, it is his parents present to all of their kids.  One of my honeys sister just moved there because her husband got stationed there and we had thought to go visit them.  I have also always wanted to go to Hawaii until my fear of planes.  I do not know what to do.  Let alone this would be the longest I would be in a plane so far.  Oh dear me oh my!!

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